It was just last month that our house was adjusting to no sleep, 4000 laundry loads, and panic over Every. Single. Thing. Wasn't it?!
I used to roll my eyes in the worst way when I heard people say "they grow up so fast!" - but now that we're just 23 days from the first day of school, I want to shake my former self and say "LISTEN TO THEM!". What was I thinking?
I honestly thought I was prepared for my baby to start school. After all, it's just another step in the ongoing string of 'firsts', right? Wrong. So, so wrong. At least for me it is, especially because at the moment there are no concrete plans for more babies. So I battle tsunami-sized waves of emotion every time Little Miss has a new 'first', but this one is different from all the others. This time, it's not going to be me literally right behind her every step of the way; This time she's completely on her own, armed only with a unicorn backpack, an L.O.L Dolls water bottle and all 10476 million things we've taught her since birth. Will she befriend anyone? Will she remember to tell the bully kid to kick rocks? Will she even speak? And did I forget to mention her separation anxiety? Jeebus. The struggle is real, man... I'm in a constant battle with the thought that she's underprepared and that we've failed her in some way.
But while I face-off with the gremlins on the inside, outwardly, I'm making kindergarten seem like the best Broadway show since Cats. Because if I don't sell it, she'll never take a chance on anything in life and that's the last thing I want for her. Give me a freakin' Academy Award! And since the kindergarten orientation at her school in June, everyone who knows Little Miss has been reminding her how awesome "big girl" school is and how much fun she'll have - I suspect though, that it's more for my sanity then hers lol.
Little Miss at her kindergarten orientation.
At this point you're probably shaking your head at my surplus of anxiety over this whole transition, or maybe you're in the same boat here with me, trying to stay afloat; looking for some validation or reassurance from another parent. But I'm okay with it because I am 100% aware of how ridiculous it all sounds. To be perfectly honest, I'd be grateful if just one parent out there can relate to what I'm saying here - I've lost count how many times mamas of 2 and 3 kids have said to stop fretting and "enjoy all the quiet you'll have", or "she'll be FIIIINNNEEEE". Here's the thing: I know that she'll make friends. I know that she'll adjust, and I know that she'll succeed. Maybe just acknowledge my struggle a little bit? I'd even welcome a lie, so long as it seemed at least a little bit compassionate lol. It's taboo for some to admit they were maybe (probably) in my shoes the first time around, and I just don't understand why. I've said it before: parenting is hard, but it comes with a built in network of people who can relate. Use it!
But until the first day of school (and probably beyond), I could care less about all the "free time" I'll apparently inherit, or the opportunity for quality self-care; Quite frankly, I really don't care about those things. What I do care about is making sure that my child feels like a freakin' rockstar for being brave and trying something seemingly scary and kinda-sorta unknown...Why? Because if she thinks it, she'll become it. I just need her to believe it too, and everything will fall into place. #onwardsandupwards. Whoa. I should probably take my own advice here, huh?
Update on the first day to follow - Wish us luck! ♥️
Have you ever felt this way? Help me quell my anxiety - share your stories with me!